


live life and survive it

by thisstableground



Series: Main Timeline ITH Fics [5]
Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisstableground/pseuds/thisstableground
Summary: Prompt fics from tumblr. Mostly Usnavi/Vanessa centric.1. Usnavi is locked out.2. What does Usnavi want to be when he grows up?3. The De la Vegas are just not graceful people.4. Usnavi's birthday.5. AU of the club.[girlsnavi verse]6. Usnavi, Vanessa, clothes.[girlsnavi verse]7. Pre-coital conversation with Vanessa and Usnavi (slightly NSFW?)8. Usnavi is lost.9. Nina and Vanessa, aggressive sleepover tactics.10. Words of wisdom from Vanessa to Sonny11. Usnavi breaks his wrist12. Vanessa pops the question[girlsnavi verse]13. The rise and fall of Usnavi's very brief teenage goth phase.14. Usnavi meets his new baby cousin.





	1. spare keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Usnavi manages to lock himself out of his apartment and the bodega at the same time.
> 
> (note: I've never been clear exactly on where Usnavi lives - with Abuela or no? could go either way - so I have him living alone in an apartment above the bodega, though this is set post-canon anyway. also not all the fics are chat format, just this one.)

**usnavi:  
** \- ¡¡¡vanessa!!!  
\- im locked out of everywhere  
\- im alone and in my pjs and i havent even had coffee yet its all a nightmare  
\- i was going to get coffee beans from the bodega cus im all out  
\- and i left the bodega keys in my apt and also my apt keys in my apt and then it latched behind me  
\- vanessa pls help me ive got no shoes on and its v cold in the stairwell  
\- goddammit  
\- i knew you wouldnt wake up  
\- i said to myself, this is a waste of time usnavi, of all the people to contact first she’s the least likely to reply why are you even trying  
\- the answer is because i trusted you  
\- and you let me down vanessa  
\- you betrayed me  
\- i hope youre SLEEPING WELL while i SUFFER  
\- but also i figured itd make you laugh so  
  
[usnavi sent an image: stupidpjboy.jpg]  
  
\- good morning for when you wake up querida  <3

***

**usnavi:  
** \- sonny de la vega  
\- this is your boss  
\- answer your phone  
\- a n s w e r your PHONE  
\- S O N N Y

“ _It’s ya boy Sonny, leave it after the beep.”_

_“_ Sonny, I swear to God if you don’t wake up and call me within ten minutes I’m going to fire you from the store and from my  _life_. Also is your Mom on late shift today? D'you need me to make dinner for you tonight? If you do all your homework before you come round I’ll let you pick what movie we watch. I am deadly serious about the firin'.  _Call me back_.”

***  


“ _Hello, you’ve reached the Rosario residence, please leave a message after the tone._ ”

[Heavy sigh.]

“Hi, it’s Usnavi, I guess you ain’t awake. Could you maybe call me when you are? I need the spare key. I know I said last time this wouldn’t happen again  _but_  in my defence…uh…I got nothin', I’m just an idiot, please call me back. Oh, wait, I could try buzzin' you! Hold up, I'm comin' to your place.”  


***

_“This is Vanessa García, leave a message.”_

“Vanessa, sorpresa, this is an SOS-sa! Hahaha, but seriously, it’s a problem, I’m not  _just_  locked out of my apartment and the store now. I went to try and wake up the Rosarios and I maaaybe forgot that my apartment buildin' also needs a key so I guess now I’m just…in the alleyway. In my pajamas. At five in the mornin'. And you’re downtown and asleep but talkin' to you makes me feel better so here we are. I love you. I’m sorry you’re datin' a moron. Oh, this is Usnavi, by the way. Okay bye!”

***

**usnavi:**  
\- benny im locked out

**benny:**  
\- usnavi im asleep

**usnavi:**  
\- i find that hard to believe

**benny:**  
\- zzzzz

**usnavi:**  
\- ha ha ha  
\- sorry i woke you up but can i please come get my key?

**benny:**  
\- zzzzzzzzzzz

**usnavi:**  
\- bennyyyyyy  
\- stop fucking around im dyin here

**benny:**  
\- zzzzzok did you forget im out of town this weekend?

**usnavi:**  
\- oh crap  
\- is your mom at home? will she still be in bed?

**benny:**  
\- you watch your goddamn step my boy

**usnavi:  
** \- so she can give me the key!!! ew

**benny:**  
\- dont you ew my mother shes a treasure of a lady  
\- she aint home though, shes at my uncles. sorry dude. good luck

 **usnavi:**  
\- godfuckingdamnmierdashithellfuck  
\- why the fuck are you out of town when i need you most  
\- i thought we were bros

 **benny**  
\- stop yelling at me im asleep  
\- zzzzz

***

“Nnnghhhhh  _why_?”

“Nina, it’s Usnavi.”

“Yeah, I got that from caller ID, but I asked you a question: nnngh why?”

“I’m locked out.”

“What d'you want me to do about it? I live in  _California_.”

“Yeah but you’re smart, I figured you’d at least have advice. Nobody’s answerin' their phone except you.”

“It’s two am in California right now, did you know that?”

“I don’t know what else to do!  _Please_ , Nina, you’re like the big sister I never had, I need your guidance and wisdom.”

“Fine.”

“Yes!”

“Okay. So here’s what you do:’

[Click. Beeeeep.]

“Nina? Nina!”

***

**usnavi** :  
\- heyy carla do you have a spare key to my apartment?

**carla:**  
\- no  
\- usnavi its so early

 **usnavi:**  
\- i know im sorry  
\- are you sure? i gave you one??

 **carla:**  
\- uhhhhh  
\- oh wait i remember. i gave it to dani so i wouldnt lose it

**usnavi** :  
\- great thx. hope shes awake

**carla:**  
\- why dyou need a key

**usnavi:**  
\- locked myself out

**carla:**  
\- well thats pretty stupid  
\- probly shouldnt have done that 

**usnavi:**  
\- yeah you know what im starting to feel that way myself

***

**usnavi:**  
\- can i get the spare key to my apartment? im locked out of the building

**dani:**  
\- Can you get out of my phone at this hour? Dios mio what a wakeup  
- I don't have it

**usnavi:**  
\- what?? yes you do

**dani:**  
\- No remember, I gave it to you so I didn't lose it while I was moving, and I never bothered to take it back because it seems silly when everyone else has one and lives so much closer to you

**usnavi:**  
\- you should have carlas spare key?

**dani:**  
\- I left that with the Rosarios. Have you tried them?

**usnavi:**  
\- have i tried the people who live in the building next to me before i thought oh i’ll go all the way to the bronx barefoot in my jammies to get one off dani? yes i have

**dani:**  
\- Less of the tone chiquito  
\- Why are you walking around outside barefoot anyway?

 **usnavi:**  
\- ohhh well i dont wanna dwell on past mistakes  
\- lets focus on the future. the future is: i live in an alleyway without shoes now

 **dani:**  
\- Please do not step on anything sharp  
\- Nobody will want to buy coffee from you if you are filled with tetanus

***

**usnavi:**  
\- okay look  
\- here’s the thing  
\- the thing is this  
\- this is the thing

**pete:**  
\- u gonna tell me wat the thing is any time 2day? i was abt 2go 2 bed

**usnavi:**  
\- oh shit youre actually awake i was kinda hoping you werent  
\- wait what do you mean you were about to go to bed its 5am??  
\- actually i dont care. the thing is that im locked out

**pete:**  
\- sucks 2 b u dude

**usnavi:  
** \- yeah, thanks  
\- do you know how to pick a lock

 **pete:**  
\- wow assume much  
\- u think just cus my art isnt bound by the law i go round doin illegal shit all the time?? u think im that kinda guy???

 **usnavi:  
** - last week you asked if i wanted to run a bitcoin laundering service through the bodega with you  
\- and i dont even know how that would WORK i think youve just run out of other shady shit to do so now youre just making it up as you go  
  
**pete:**  
\- it wasnt launderin it was a legit busness venture  
\- ill take my lockpickin skills to someone more apreciative of my talents

 **usnavi**  
\- wait so you do know how to pick a lock??  
\- pete cmon dude you have to help me its really cold out here  
\- im sorry about the bitcoin thing, im sure it was a great idea, i dont even know what a bitcoin is, i shouldnt have judged you

**pete:**  
\- if i do this for u will u let me set up my business in ur store

**usnavi:**  
\- not in a million years  
\- ill give you free slushies for a week

 **pete:**  
\- shit that wd be good   
\- i actualy dont no how to pick a lock but i hope u lerned a lesson about treatin people who provide u a service with a little respect

**usnavi:**  
\- oh what the fuck

***

**Usnavi De la Vega: ok nobody with a spare key is any help and my super aint answering the phone and my battery is nearly dead, can ANYONE tell me how to get back into my apartment building? ANYONE PLEASE  
** _[8 people like this]_

**Usnavi De la Vega:** please stop liking this the notifications keep giving me false hope that help is on the way  
_[10 people like this]_

**Usnavi De la Vega:**  oh youre all so hilarious. why are you all even on here right now? go to bed. or to work. unless you want to bring some shoes and a sweater past my apartment building, it is not warm out

**Usnavi De la Vega:** okay holy shit i didnt expect anyone to actually do it, i take it back, you’re all the best.  
  
**Vanessa García:** jajajajajajajaaaa you fucking wreck  
  
**Usnavi De la Vega:**  *you’re all the best except vanessa who i hate  
  
**Vanessa García:** oh ok guess i’ll go back to bed and take this spare key that i was just about to bring aaall the way from downtown with me

**Usnavi De la Vega:**  *except vanessa who is the bestest and i love her with my whole heart and soul???

**Vanessa García:**  cant undig that hole buddy

**Usnavi De la Vega:**  vanessa

**Usnavi De la Vega** : vanessa please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I firmly believe that Nina is like a big sister to Usnavi despite being younger, and both of them know it.
> 
> Venturing out from my obscure little corner to post some not-crossover stuff! Title is from Survive It by Ghostpoet, because that song makes me think of Usnavi, and also because I hate thinking of titles and it was the first thing I grabbed.


	2. when you're older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: When Usnavi was a little kid, what did he want to be when he grew up?
> 
> (note: I know Usnavi and Vanessa's age difference is supposed to be bigger in canon but I always like thinking about Usnavi pining quietly for actual years so I write them - and subsequently, Benny and Nina - a lot closer in age, since it never actually specifies in the show anyway.)

“What are you going to be, I wonder,mi pequeño _,_ ” says his mamá, bouncing Usnavi (six months old)  on her knee.

“Ah-bah- _bah_ -ma-ma-ma,” babbles Usnavi. “Ma-ma-ma-ya. Ooh!”

“A chatterbox, I think,” says his father, pressing one finger to Usnavi’s nose. Usnavi grabs the finger and shoves it in his mouth. It doesn’t seem to hinder his attempts at conversation at all.

***

“Maybe your answer should be ‘ _quieter’_ ,” says his teacher, though she’s smiling. It’s the fifth time she’s had to tell him to settle down and get on with writing a one-sentence answer since she wrote the question  _What do you want to be?_ up on the board.

“Nah,” says Usnavi (five years old). “I don’t wanna be  _that_.”

***

“I wanna be president,” says six year old Nina. “What do you wanna be, Usnavi?”

“I wanna be a ice cream truck,” says Usnavi (seven years old).

“You can’t,” she says, shaking her head. Her curly little pigtails bounce. “People can’t be  _trucks_. That’s not a  _job_.”

“Then I wanna be a airplane and fly all the way to DR,” says Usnavi.

“You  _can’t_!” says Nina, frustrated. She stamps her foot. “You gotta answer properly!”

Usnavi makes a noise like a jet engine and spins in a circle until he’s dizzy.

***

“Taller,” says Usnavi (ten years old), when Benny asks what he wants to be when he’s older. 

He has to tilt his head back to look him in the eye when they talk: Benny hit an early growth spurt a couple of months ago. Usnavi’s next one isn’t coming for another four years, and even then it won't hit him very hard. 

Benny crouches down so that Usnavi can climb up onto his shoulders.

***

“I don’t care  _what_  I am, so long as I’m doin' it somewhere that ain’t here,” says sixteen year old Vanessa. Every year that passes she gets more and more questions about her future plans from teachers or Dani or Nina. She still doesn’t have a proper answer to them, and it frustrates her endlessly. “I don’t get why you’re always so freakin’ cheerful. Don’t you want more than this place? What do  _you_  wanna be?”

Usnavi (seventeen years old), gives her the change for the Pepsi she just bought and shrugs. “Happy,” he says, and he smiles at her.

Vanessa rolls her eyes and leaves the store and pauses for a moment out front. She’s not watching Usnavi through the window, but she just  _happens_  to have him in her sightline. He’s dancing badly to the radio while he tidies up the counter.

“Yeah,” she says, quietly. “Me too.”


	3. disaster magnets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anon: the "ay yo you know this boy got his free taco" vine is something that happened to sonny, canonically
> 
> me: i’m pretty sure its a de la vega family trait, being constantly bombarded by plague of slapstick mishaps like that. they’re not even necessarily clumsy, they’re just magnets for the universe’s sense of comedic timing.

 

”This happens too often,” Usnavi tells Sonny at the grocery store, as they both apologetically help the assistant to restack the big pyramid-shaped display of toilet rolls that Sonny managed to barrel into like a bowling ball and send tumbling all over the aisle.

“I wasn’t anywhere near it this time,” Sonny says.  


"Don’t make me ask them to pull the CCTV tapes,” Usnavi says. “You can’t lie to me, I’m your cousin.”  


“…It was a symbolic protest by a small business supporter against the imposition of corporate order and monotony in big chain stores?” Sonny tries. “I did this for your bodega.”  


Usnavi sets the last toilet roll on top of the stack and just Looks at Sonny. 

“Fine! I’m just a big gangly disaster and I knocked it over on accident with my dumb lanky arms! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“First step is admittin' it,” Usnavi says.

“You’re no help. Can we just leave? That was so  _embarrassin'_.”  


“No,” Usnavi says. “You need to learn to live with your mistakes, and I need some shit the bodega don't stock, so suck it up.”  


”Maybe I’ll grow out of it,” Sonny says hopefully, trailing behind Usnavi as they head for the next aisle. “Maybe when I’m not trapped in this stupid teenager body i’ll figure out how to like, not walk into everythin' constantly.”

Usnavi says “keep tellin' yourself that, kid,” looking over his shoulder to smirk condescendingly, and because he's not looking where he's going, immediately slams full-on into a big, pyramid-shaped stack of soup cans. They clatter to the floor loudly while Usnavi freezes with wide eyes like a startled rabbit.  


Sonny grabs Usnavi by the arm and says “fuck this, just run”, dragging him towards the door as fast as he can. This time, Usnavi does not suggest they suck it up and live with their mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [They spend the rest of the night full of guilt about leaving someone to clean that up and agree to never go anywhere again.]


	4. birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> re: a discussion about Usnavi forgetting his own birthday. (Will I ever write anything with Usnavi where he's not a giant disaster? Probably not, but I love him for it. Also I feel like Usnavi doesn't really like his birthday or holidays very much, but that's a discussion for a sadder fic)

“Are we done now,” Sonny demands as the last customer leaves. He’s jiggling up and down like someone just put ice down his pants. “Can we finally leave?”

“Always love that work ethic,” Usnavi says, “but yeah, your shift's over. Fly away, little bird, or whatever.”

“Ain’t you comin'?”

“I still got shit to do. Cleanin', and prep for tomorrow, and I gotta fix the cash register and I was gonna clean the fridge out and the stockroom could use reorganizin'…day don’t end with the customers if you’re the boss, you know?”

“But, you have to—uh. You need to go outside!”

“…Why?”

“Dios mío, Usnavi,  _listen_  to yourself,” Sonny says, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him hard. “Because people need freedom, cuz, because you gotta feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your skin and talk to humans who ain’t  _payin'_  for the interaction—“

“That makes sellin' coffee sound so sketchy,”  Usnavi complains. “And what sun, what wind in my hair? It’s evenin' in January and I wear hats.”

“You wear the chains of capitalism, amigo,” Sonny insists. “Come play videogames with me. My xbox is still at your place.”

Usnavi gives in, mostly just because he doesn’t want to hear another chains of capitalism speech, especially not since last time when he pointed out that the videogame industry also has some investment in that whole scene and Sonny threw half a pop tart at his head.

“Fine. But I’m comin’ in early tomorrow and you can’t stop me.”

“Ugh, of course you are. There’s a whole world out there to enjoy if you let yourself, Usnavi.”

“Maybe for you kids, I got rent to pay.”

“For you too, old man,” Sonny says, following him round the front to watch him close the grate. “You should be out there having a good time with…I dunno. Clubs. Dancin'. Girls.  _Vanessa García_.”

“I don’t know any Vanessa!” Usnavi instantly denies. “Who? What? What are you talkin' about? Are you on  _drugs_? Come here, let me check your pupils.”

How the hell does Sonny know about Usnavi’s huge and hugely unrequited Vanessa crush? Benny must have ratted him out, that bastard.

“Fuck off, man,” Sonny says, waving Usnavi away from him and leading the way round to the back entrance. “You need a life outside the bodega. You need to have fun.”

“I have fun,” Usnavi says as they go up the stairs.

“When?”

Shit, he wasn’t expecting to be quizzed on it. “…I do have fun!”

Sonny raises his eyebrows, disbelievingly, and with a dramatic flourish flings Usnavi’s apartment door open.

“¡FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS!” comes a deafening yell.

“What in the _whole fuck_ ,” Usnavi squeaks, instinctively propelling himself two foot away from the door. His first thought is  _crap, did I leave my apartment unlocked all day?_  His second thought is  _am I being robbed?!_ His third thought is  _shut up and use your brain, Usnavi._ “Wait.  _Wait_.”

“Happy birthday, bud!” Benny says, reaching out into the hallway to drag Usnavi inside from where he’s flattened himself against the far wall. “Where you runnin' off to? We all turned out for your party.”

“What the shit,” Usnavi says, walking into his apartment still a little shellshocked. Abuela is holding a cake with one candle burning brightly in the middle. She’s shaking her head fondly like she does every time Usnavi does something loud and dumb. Everyone else is there too. Camila is beaming at him, Nina’s smirking and — oh, fuck, she’s brought  _Vanessa_ , who is currently giggling behind her hand.

Oh, jeez.

“I thought we were gonna play videogames,” Usnavi says to Sonny, stupidly.

“We were tryna do the whole, y’know, pretend we hadn’t remembered all day and then surprise you,” Sonny explains. “You kinda fucked the first bit up by  _forgettin' your own birthday_ , you giant moron, but I think it added to the surprise in the end.”

“I didn’t forget,” Usnavi says, unconvincingly. He totally forgot. That’s very embarrassing. But everyone’s here, and so is cake, so hey, who’s complaining? “Abuela, did you bake that?”

“Of course I did,” Abuela says, sounding offended. “Do you think I’d trust anyone else to make your birthday cake, mijo?”

“Awesome,” he says happily. Abuela makes the best birthday cake.

Vanessa is suddenly right next to him, clearing her throat. He tries not to fall over and mostly succeeds. “Um,” she says, smiling at him awkwardly. “Happy birthday, Usnavi.”

“You too,” he says, and then promptly prays for death.

Vanessa just laughs at him, sweet and high. Then she gives him a brief but tight hug, and immediately run-walks to stand behind Nina, who whispers something to her. Vanessa punches her hard in the arm, blushing prettily. Usnavi is also blushing but he’s fairly sure  _he_  just looks like a tomato, or like he’s trying to camouflage himself against his shirt, which he kinda wouldn’t mind doing right now because he’s such a fucking dork, but also he can’t stop smiling.

“And you wanted to stay and clean the  _fridge_ ,” Sonny mutters disparagingly.


	5. the club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: girl!Usnavi and Vanessa at the club.

“That’s messed up,” Benny says. He sounds pretty drunk already, which is looking like an increasingly good idea. Usnavi orders a shot for each of them. “She’s tryna make you jealous.”

“Jealous?! I ain’t jealous! I can dance with fellas too!” Usnavi objects, then takes her pitch down a few registers so that she can be heard by creatures that aren’t just dogs and bats to say, “you gotta dance with me, dude.”

“What? Why?”

“Because this is your fault,” Usnavi says. She knocks back her…whatever. No idea what she ordered. Shots all taste basically the same anyway, like burning. Give her an amaretto sour any day, except for today because Usnavi has sorrows to drown so it’s time to break out the big guns in the tiny glasses. _“_ You’re the one who kept getting my hopes up and telling me to go for it, and now Vanessa’s here grinding up on some  _boys._ So now you have to dance with me else I’m just gonna be a sad lesbian dancing alone and if that’s what I wanted to do on a Saturday night I woulda just stayed home where at least I coulda taken my pants off while I do it, because it’s too  _hot_ and I’m all sweaty and the girl of my dreams is wearing the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen and she said that we’re  _friends,_ because that’s what girls I’m into always say. Friends. Buddies.  _Gal pals.”_

“You’re not technically a lesbian.”

“That’s not the point, Benny!”

Benny sighs. “I don’t know if I feel like dancing anyway,” he says, moodily. “I think I really screwed things up with Nina gettin’ mad at her like that. And her dad ain’t ever gonna like me, so why even bother? Maybe I should just go home.”

“Oh, you have  _got_  to be fucking kidding me,” Usnavi says.

“Well, the night ain’t exactly going how we—“

“No, not you,” Usnavi says. “Look! Now Nina’s dancing with José, and he’s still dancing with Vanessa at the same time. How is  _that_  fair?”

“What?!” Benny says, scanning the crowd with all the natural subtlety of a six-foot-two drunk guy. “Holy shit, you’re right! Look how smug he looks, too. Does he know he’s ruining  _everyone’s_  relationships, what, does he have some kinda bet going? Alright, fuck this, we’re staying.”

“Yeeees!” Usnavi says. “We’re gonna get out there and have a great time and that’ll show José who’s sitting in a corner bein’ pathetic about beautiful women, because it sure ain’t gonna be us!”

Benny waves for two more shots, passes one to Usnavi. “To ruining our chances,” he says dryly.

“To interrupted dances,” Usnavi answers, clinking her glass against Benny’s. “¡Salud!”

They take to the floor, full-force total enthusiasm, no room for moping here. And yeah, it’s nice to actually go out and hang with Benny, not like it happens very often with the bodega taking up all of her time, but Usnavi’s not quite losing herself in the beat and (if she does say so herself) the kind of  _amazing_  impromptu choreography that only comes from years of sharing rhythm with a friend, because there’s a big part of her preoccupied with hoping Vanessa will look over and see what she’s missing out on. Which Usnavi would feel worse about if Benny weren’t doing the exact same thing with Nina.

“Quick, check behind me, are they watching us?” Benny hisses.

“I don’t know,” Usnavi says, “pretty much all I can see right now is your chest. I shoulda wore heels.”

“Okay, switch,” Benny says. He takes her hand and spins her so they’re turned around, super-casual. They’re such good actors. They coulda been spies.

“What’s the deal?” Usnavi asks, trying to look back over her shoulder at the girls and make it look like normal dancing.

“Vanessa’s kinda facing us but I dunno if she’s seen us. Nina isn’t even looking. Wait shit, now she is, they both are! Laugh like I just said something really clever.”

“Hahaha _ha_!” Usnavi says, as enthusiastically as she can.

“ _Wow_  that was bad, but it’s fine, only Vanessa saw.”

“Yeah? Does she look intrigued? Burning with jealousy? Like she’s having a gay awakening, maybe?” Usnavi asks, hopeful.

“No, she looks like she turned right back around and started talking to José again,” Benny says. “I gotta tell you, if our plan here was to make them jealous I don’t think it’s gonna work.”

“Because Vanessa’s obviously straight and you messed things up with Nina and we’re both destined to die alone?” Usnavi says morosely. Or as morose she can sound while she’s half yelling over the music, which actually isn’t very, so she tries to flop her arms around and make her shoulders look as morose as possible to make up for it.

“No, dumbass, because they know both of us,” Benny says. “They’re just gonna see us hanging out like we always do, it’s not like us watching them with a buncha dudes that they might actually end up being into.”

“Mierda,” Usnavi says. Benny’s right. This idea seemed a lot smarter in her head. “Well, what’s plan b?”

“Plan b is…more shots!”

“Ayyy!” Usnavi cheers. “You’re buying.”

“Fuckin’ freeloader,” Benny says. “Next round is yours.”

“Sure, sure,” Usnavi says. “I’ll stay here and keep tabs on the lady situation.”

Benny heads off to the bar and Usnavi stands awkwardly for half a minute: she’s really not used to being in clubs, and dancing alone is weird, right? But on the other hand, she never gets a chance to just go out and why should it be weird? She loves dancing. She dances in the store all the time without caring whether people are laughing at her, and to hell with wasting her first free night in forever. So she closes her eyes and moves with the crowd and moves with the beat and just enjoys it, heat and everything. And that’s how she finds herself spinning under some total stranger’s arm, laughing to herself about how stupid this whole evening is, and that’s when she notices Vanessa in her peripheral stop and freeze, staring over in Usnavi’s direction.

Vanessa catches her eye, then catches José’s hand and sways her hips even more than she was before, the skirt of her bright red dress flaring out around her like a flower.

Aha. So this might actually work. Every time Usnavi leans in closer to whoever this dude is Vanessa does the same with José. Every time Vanessa laughs and does that flirty kind of light slap against José’s shoulder Usnavi makes sure to be beaming up at her guy with her cutest smile the next time Vanessa looks over. It’s not what she wanted their first date to be, but at least it’s having some kind of impact: Vanessa looks  _pissed_.

It also seems to be having some kind of impact on the guy Usnavi’s dancing with, totally unaware of this whole long-distance gay dance off going on right under his nose. He puts an arm round Usnavi’s waist and leans down to say,  _“_ that’s a cool hat. It looks really good on you.”

“Oh! Thanks,” she says. “I like it too.”

“Can I wear it?” He puts his fingers against the brim like he’s already prepared for her to say yes.

“Uhhh,” Usnavi says, thrown. Fuck, is this turning into actual flirting now? That wasn’t the plan at all. In hindsight, bad plan, terrible idea, should’ve thought this through, how does she let him down nicely? She’d try the old  _no hablo ingles_ thing except goddammit, she’s already shown her hand there. Also this is a salsa club in the Heights, most everyone in here speaks Spanish and she doesn’t know any other languages well enough to pretend and— woah, okay, looks like he’s just taking the hat anyway. “Dude! That’s mine!”

“I’ll look after it, I swear,” he says.

“Or you could just give it back?“

She tries to reach up and get it herself, but she’s so fucking short, goddammit, and the guy leans away with a little twinkle in his eyes that says  _I’m being cute, right? This is cute._

 _This isn’t cute, that’s_ ** _my_** _hat,_  she wants to say. It’s  _hers_ , practically an extension of her head _._ Probably the first thing she’d save if her apartment were on fire. She doesn’t just let people wear it. Sonny and Nina are the only two people with that privilege (Benny tried it too, but his head is too big), and even then they know to ask.

“Give it  _back_!”

She jumps to try and grab it. The guy laughs, then says “ow” as someone cuffs him upside the head and tugs Usnavi’s hat off him in one smooth movement.

“I know y’all dudes think it’s adorable when girls get mad but maybe try actually listening to what she’s asking you,” Vanessa says icily, handing Usnavi her hat. Usnavi fixes it on her head and readjusts it, relieved.

“Uh, okay. I’m sorry,” the guy says. “Buy both of you lovely ladies a drink to make up for it?”

“Really?” Usnavi says, raising one eyebrow. He doesn’t seem like a  _total_  jerk so maybe he means it as a genuine apology but…really? “No thanks, buddy.”

“How about y—“ he starts, turning towards Vanessa.

She takes Usnavi’s hand and says “We’re actually kinda, y’know, here  _together_.”

Usnavi resists the urge to punch the air excitedly. It might just be a line to get the guy to leave but like, Vanessa’s holding her hand, she’s really not mad about it.

“Oh,” the guy says, then, “Ohhh! Oh, okay, that’s cool, totally cool, uh, I just thought, but…hey, good for you, that’s cool.”

“Yup,” Vanessa says. “So cool. So if you could just…” She makes a little shooing motion.

“Sorry,” he says again, looking embarrassed, and pushes his way through the people behind him to make some distance.

“You good?” Vanessa asks, with a little squeeze of Usnavi’s hand.

“Oh, yeah, he wasn’t being super creepy or anything,” she says. “It’s just, eh…”

“Yeah, that’s why I came over,” Vanessa says. “Either you’d become instant soulmates with the guy or he’d taken it without asking, I know how you feel about other people wearing it.”

And just like that any bad feelings fade away: Usnavi doesn’t wanna waste any more time with anyone else tonight. She feels all warm inside, about how well Vanessa knows her, about the fact Vanessa hasn’t let go of her hand yet, and also about the uncounted number of shots she’s taken tonight so that’s why she says “I’d let  _you_  wear it whenever you wanted” in the sappiest most lovestruck voice ever, like, _way to be chill, Usnavi_.

“Yeah?” Vanessa says, takes it back from Usnavi and puts it on her own head. “How do I look?”

She taps the brim down, with the same little deliberate motion that’s something of a tic for Usnavi, with that perfect Vanessa smile — not the one she does posing for photos but the one for inside jokes over early morning coffee, a little too wide and a little too dorky to be fake.

“Nnygnhhh,” Usnavi says.

Vanessa giggles and says, “so, I saw your moves earlier.”

“Oh?” Usnavi says, like she hasn’t spent the whole night totally aware of whether or not Vanessa was paying her any attention. “Were you impressed?”

“I  _considered_  calling the cops, but…”

“Hey!” Usnavi protests. “Any mistakes were Benny’s fault, I’m a flawless dancer when I got the right partner.”

“Gotta prove it before I’ll believe it,” Vanessa says. She pulls Usnavi in a little closer, rests her other hand against Usnavi’s hip. “Maybe you should give me a demonstration.”

“Well, maybe I will,” Usnavi says.

Vanessa smiles at her again and says “gimme like two seconds to let Nina know I’m with you, I kinda ditched without saying anything when I came over. Wait here for me?”

“Sure.”

Usnavi’s heart is racing twice as fast as the music. Okay, this could still just be a friendly thing - it’s so freakin’ hard to tell with girls, especially when they’re not out - but there’s something about the way Vanessa’s grip on her hand slides away so slowly as she leaves, fingers trailing from Usnavi’s palm to fingertips with a shock like a live wire.

Then, just after they break contact, there’s a nearby commotion. Usnavi turns to see Benny (where the hell has he even been all this time?) a few feet away scuffling with José.

Aw, shit. Usnavi’s not much good in a fight unless anyone needs headbutting in the stomach — though this is barely a fight, just a lot of shoving and posturing, that weird toe-bouncy shoulder-shakey thing guys do like they’re warming up to face off in an official boxing match— but she’s gotta at least be moral support or try to break it up, right? Benny’s her bro. But…she said she’d wait here for Vanessa, who has completely disappeared into the crowd by now, and Nina’s nowhere to be seen either. Usnavi wavers, torn between the two options.

And then the lights go out.


	6. clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: girl! Usnavi and Vanessa, clothes shopping (I didn't write the shopping part, but whatever)

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Usnavi says, grabbing the bottom of her unbuttoned overshirt on both sides and lifting the ends above her head so they fan out like wings behind her. “They’re comfy!”

Vanessa easily puts her entire hand through the giant rip that’s been slowly growing in the back of this particular shirt. It’s been driving Vanessa incrementally crazier every time she sees it, which is frequently, because Usnavi wears the same four things constantly. She wiggles her fingers across the top of Usnavi’s hat like  _do you see my point here_.

“I can patch that up!”

“It’s more patches than shirt already, Usnavi. You’re allowed new things. And no offense but it wouldn’t kill you to wear something that isn’t Benny circa two-thousand-nine.”

“Nothing wrong with second-hand stuff,” Usnavi says haughtily. “Benny has a timeless sense of fashion.”

“Usnavi, you’re five foot two and Benny is a freakin’ tank. You could literally go camping inside some of the stuff he’s given you.”

“I’ll grow into them,” Usnavi argues. “You know. Like people do at age twenty-four when they’ve been the same height for a decade,  _fine,_  I guess I have kinda gone from messy to  _hey did you sleep in a bush last night._  I’ll go get some new tshirts on my day off.”

She doesn’t look excited at the prospect. It doesn’t make sense to Vanessa that the girl who was about willing to drop everything and run off to the Dominican Republic with a day’s notice gets so incredibly weird and unsettled about the smallest changes like new clothes or trying new hairstyles. But that’s just Usnavi, and apparently that’s what Vanessa’s into in a major way, even if it does sometimes make her look like she’s dating the aftermath of an explosion in a thrift store.

“You’ve been saying you’ll do that for a month.”

“Well, there’s a thousand other things I’d rather do with whatever free time I can get away from this place,” Usnavi says. “Like hanging out with you! You wouldn’t wanna give  _that_  up, would you, ‘cause that’s the price we’d have to pay, and is it worth it?  _Is_ it, Va _ne_ ssa?

“I don’t get why you won’t just let me come with you. I’m good at this kinda thing, I might actually be able to help. And then we’d still be hanging out at the same time, everybody wins.”

Usnavi makes a noncommittal noise and turns back to face the counter, starts unstacking all the paper cups in front of her for no reason.

“Hey,” Vanessa says, suddenly figuring something out. “I’m not gonna try and make you buy anything sexy or high-fashion or make you dress like me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Usnavi turns two of the cups upside down and starts shifting them around like she’s doing one of those  _find the object_  magic trick grifts. “I’m not saying I don’t  _like_  your clothes. I mean, you look  _amazing_  all the time, you could literally wear these as a bra — “she holds the two cups in front of her chest to demonstrate “—with a newspaper loincloth and still look a thousand times cooler than I would look in your actual human clothes but…”

She shrugs, puts the cups down looking uncomfortable. “I dunno. I know what I like and what feels right for me, so why change it?”

“Aw, I think you were totally pulling those off, though,” Vanessa says, tapping the cups. “But I’m just tryna help you out, having things that aren’t falling apart doesn’t mean you have to  _change._ I’m not trying to make you be anything other than yourself. I like  _you_ , remember? Bad shirts and everything.”

“That’s right, you do,” Usnavi says, suddenly grinning over her shoulder with her voice all wicked and knowing. “You  _kissed_  me. You  _liiike_ me.”

“We’ve been dating for six months, babe, I’ve kissed you like a billion times.”

“You’ve got a cruuush on me!” Usnavi sings, tipping her head back so she can smile up at Vanessa standing behind her.

“I do, but god help me, sometimes I wonder why,” Vanessa says.

“You think I’m cuuute!”

“I think you’re a pain in the ass,” Vanessa says, and she takes the back of Usnavi’s ridiculously oversized shirt so that she can wrap it all round Usnavi’s head effectively muffling any further argument, then hugs Usnavi’s arms to her sides because she’s gonna break the whole bodega if she keeps flailing around like she’s trapped in quicksand like that.  
  
“Sssssh,” Vanessa says, patting Usnavi gently on the head. “Accept your fate. We’re going  _shopping_.”

Usnavi makes a mournful noise from behind a layer of fabric.

 

 


	7. primero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [a/n: vaguely nsfw. a brief conversation with vanessa and usnavi just before their first time. i this was gonna be part of either a) actual porn or b) a bigger fic about these two in the early stages of their relationship but i never got round to writing either of those things so fuck it, like. for context, they've been dating for a while but had other stuff to resolve before they got round to sex.]

“Oh,” Vanessa says, surprised.

“¿Qué?” Usnavi says, freezing. He’s still in the middle of awkwardly trying to kick his pants and boxers off, so he’s wobbling a little on one leg while he frowns worriedly at her. 

“Nothin', just, y’know, ‘oh’. It’s just a word people say, don't have to mean nothin'.”

“Yeah, but I don’t often hear it in this specific context so like maybe elaborate,” he says. “For my peace of mind.”

“Don’t overthink it, babe.”

“Is there somethin' wrong with it?” he asks, looking down at his dick and then self-consciously shifting his hands to cover himself up.

“Oh, for god’s sake,” Vanessa says, rolling her eyes. Obviously nothing’s gonna progress until she clears this up. “No. It’s just, uh, a little bigger than I’d imagined, if you really wanna know.”

“You’ve imagined it?” Usnavi says, then, “wait, did you say it’s bigger? Really? Is that 'cause it’s average but you imagined it tiny, or am I just, y’know, _talented,_ your face right now is tellin' me it’s the second one, al _right!”_

He punches the air victoriously, shyness immediately forgotten. It is not a flattering gesture for a nude guy to do. There’s bouncing.

“Callate and get over here, nerd,” she says fondly. “I’m not gonna spend all night strokin' your ego.”

“You could spend all night strokin' other things,” Usnavi suggests, falling onto the bed beside her and grinning widely, chin propped up on one hand.

“Will I get this much comedy every time or are you just bringin' in the big guns because it’s our first go?” then quickly, because she can see Usnavi opening his mouth and just knows what’s going to come out of it, she adds, “and no euphemism about your _big gun_ , dude. This ain’t an open mic, we got another show to get started.”

“Uhh,” he says in a high voice. “Um, yeah, sure, obviously, bueno. Should I—“ he points at her mouth, leans in head tilted to the left, then changes his mind and tilts it right, then pulls back looking like he’s trying to figure out how to solve for X rather than how to kiss her, which is a thing they’ve already done a million times and are getting pretty fucking good at.

“Hey,” Vanessa says. “¿Pasa algo?”

“No, nothin', todo bien,” Usnavi says, blinking rapidly like he’s trying to morse code an SOS at her. “I’m just, uh. To tell the truth I’m kinda really nervous?”

He twists a little section of the sheets up in his fingers, blushing. Vanessa’s just relieved to know he’s feeling the same way she is right now. It’s kinda stupid. Not like it’s her first rodeo. But she hasn’t even gotten this far with Usnavi before, never mind whatever’s coming next, and everything somehow feels very new.

“If you’re not ready—“ she starts.

“No, no, I’m ready,” he says. “Trust me, I have _been_ ready. That’s why this is so…I never actually thought this would happen. It’s, this is _you_ , y’know? I liked you for ages and now it’s like, it’s actually you, Vanessa, with me, there’s a bed, you’re lookin’ at my junk, it’s all a lot to take in.”

Vanessa gets it. She has imagined him, on multiple occasions - guiltily, for a while, until she finally just accepted that Usnavi had taken up frequent residence in her fantasies even while she was still in denial about having legit feelings for him. And pretty vividly recently since they've got comfortable enough to risk slipping hands inside shirts or touching through clothes. Now it’s obvious how much all of that was only ever a cartoon of the real thing, simplified down to the most basic elements and broad movements. Reality is almost overwhelming in comparison. She never could've dreamed up the minuscule twitches of Usnavi’s fingers and his head and his mouth, always restless and recalibrating. Or that he has a few light freckles scattered on his chest, patches of mild eczema on the inside of his elbows, a few faint bruises on his legs. His eyes are prettier now than Vanessa’s ever known them to be. Imagination doesn't account for details like the fact that now she knows he’s uncut, unshaven, unbelievably _hot_ in a way that doesn’t at all match up with the cute motormouth dork in oversized shirts and baggy jeans that she’s been crushing on but fits him perfectly at the same time.

“I’m nervous too,” she admits. Usnavi looks faintly taken aback. Fair, it’s not the kind of thing she’d usually admit to. But she wants this to be real, which means she wants to be real with him. That feels very new, too, that she wants him to know more of her, she wants him to be close in more ways than just physical.

“It’s okay if you wanna wait,” he says.

“I absolutely don’t,” she says. “It’s just, it’s like you said. It’s you. Us. I don’t wanna mess that up. I keep thinking all this dumb stuff like what if we do it and it turns out the only thing keepin' us together was all the unfulfilled sexual frustration?”

“I hear you,” Usnavi says, nodding earnestly. “Or like, what if it turns out I’m so bad at sex that I actually put you off men for life and you run away to become a lesbian nun?”

“What if I break your dick somehow and you have to wear a cast on it for the next six months?”

“What if it turns out we’re in the early stages of a teen horror movie and a man with an axe kills us both because the only thing keepin' us alive was our virginity?”

“I ain't a virgin.”

“Me either, but _what if anyway_ ,” he insists.

“Oh my god, you’re right,” she agrees. “What _if_ anyway?”

Usnavi rests his forehead against hers, brings his hand up to her face and runs his thumb softly over her cheekbone. It’s the sweetest touch Vanessa’s ever felt. “What if you’d never kissed me that first time,” he says, in a low voice.

“Cierto,” Vanessa murmurs back. “That is true. Or if you'd never asked me for a second date.”

She kisses him, just to remind them both how good it is. He sighs happily against her. “I promise if you’re that bad at sex I’ll just teach you how to be better at it instead of becomin' a lesbian nun,” she tells him.

“Good to know,” he says. “I promise if you break my dick I’ll tell everyone I did it myself in a jerkoff accident to spare you the embarrassment, ’cause that’s just how much I like you.”

“I’d believe it,” she says, laughing at the indignant sound he makes, and it breaks through the nerves. He always makes her feel better about things. She likes him so much. “It’s a deal. You wanna do this or what?”

“I really wanna do this,” Usnavi breathes. “We are gonna fuckin’ _resolve_ that sexual tension.”

“We sure are,” she says, kissing him again, so hard that he falls backwards. She moves into it, rolling on top of him and imagination could never have matched up to how it feels to have Usnavi underneath her.


	8. lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Anonymous:  
> Usnavi gets lost in IKEA. Every. Single. Time.]

**usnavi:  
** \- vanessa  
\- vanessa help me  
\- something terrible has happened

**vanessa:**  
- ?!  
\- its ok baby, where are you, what happened

**usnavi:**  
- im lost in an ikea again

**vanessa:  
- **USNAVI DE LA VEGA  
\- jfc i thought something was actually wrong!!  
\- wait  
\- i thought you were just going to have coffee with dani?

**usnavi:  
- **well i also thought i was just going to have coffee with dani and then we ended up going to ikea for some reason and now i can’t find dani and carla and im scared  
\- do i just have to live here now??  
\- i think i just have to live here now

**vanessa:**  
\- wow you give up really quickly

**usnavi:**  
\- ive been tryna find the others for half an hour they arent answering my calls  
\- and the couches here are better than mine anyway  
\- so i guess this is goodbye

**vanessa:**  
\- damn  
\- i never thought things would end this way

**usnavi:**  
\- im sorry querida thats just how its gotta be  
\- this is my new life  
\- this is my new lady

**vanessa:**  
\- she’s hot

**usnavi:**  
\- i named her vanhissa

**vanessa:**  
\- you’re so romantic

**usnavi:**  
\- an ikea man just told me im not allowed to sit in the bin full of snakes while i wait for dani to find me  
\- i changed my mind i dont wanna live here any more this place blows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [a/n: i dont care that they dont sell those snakes any more they are the very definition of ikea to me]


	9. pillow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [prompt: pillow fight, (platonic) nina and vanessa.

“And just what were you  _thinking_? I wake up en medio de la noche to the sound of two ten year olds trying to murder each other in my own living room, díos mío, it’s enough to age a man a decade in an instant!”

“Cálmate, papito,” Nina says. “It’s a pillow fight, not a pillow debate, obviously there’s gonna be some minor casualties. We had it all under control.”

“Under control?! Vanessa is bleeding!”

“Not much!” Vanessa says defiantly.

“In this house, any amount of bleeding children is too many bleeding children,” Kevin says firmly. “I don’t know how things work with  _your_ m—“

“ _Kevin!_ ” Camila warns, but Vanessa gets the intended message anyway, hunching her shoulders and sticking her bottom lip out sullenly. Nina frowns hard at her dad, who sighs.

“We just want to be sure neither of you are going to get hurt,” he says, gruffly.

“It didn’t even hurt,” Vanessa says.

“Sorry we woke you both up,” Nina mumbles, and Vanessa echoes “yeah, sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” Camila pats very gently over the top of the bandaid she just put on Vanessa’s grazed arm. “There, all fixed. So let’s all put this behind us. It is very late, and you girls are obviously getting overexcited. I think it’s time to go to bed, no?

“But—“

“Ah-ah-ah,” Camila says. “What have I told you about the b-word?”

“Fine,” Nina says. “Come on, Vanessa.”

“And I expect you to  _sleep_ ,” Camila adds. “Absolutely no more pillow fights.”

“We know,” Nina huffs, and they shuffle obediently towards Nina’s bedroom. The second they’re out of Camila’s eyeline, Nina catches Vanessa’s eye and mouths “I’m gonna  _end you_ ”, mimes bashing her head in with the pillow clutched in her arms. Vanessa makes a slow throat-slashing gesture in response.


	10. advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [prompt: “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.” for vanessa. i went for a platonic vanessa and sonny interaction.]

Vanessa’s never operated the same revolving door policy that Usnavi does with his apartment. He’ll only ever put the chain on just before they go to bed or if there’s a chance of nudity. Otherwise, it seems like everyone they know has a key to his place and wanders in whenever they feel like it, sometimes even if he’s not there.

She cannot fathom how he’s so casual about having people up in his space like that. Sure, she’s given some keys out to her place but only with the express indication that it’s emergencies only, not a free pass to show up with no warning. And generally people don’t, very much assisted by the fact she’s living downtown. Which is why she nearly shits herself when she’s washing dishes after dinner and someone tries to barge right in the door, only to yelp loudly when it catches on the chain and rebounds.

"Fuck!"

“Sorry!” comes Sonny’s voice through the gap. “Sorry, lo siento, it’s only me! Sorry!”

“Dios mío, Sonny, you cannot  _do_  shit like that to someone!” Vanessa yells, pressing a hand over her racing heart. “I have  _one rule_! I will take the key away from you!”

“I’m sorry!” he says again. “Can you let me in?”

She shuts the door to take the chain off, half intending to tell Sonny to get the fuck out of here until he at least learns how to knock like any reasonable person, but he wouldn’t have come here if he didn’t need something, and he’s shuffling his feet and playing with the brim of his cap and goddammit, that’s such a pure Intensely Agitated Usnavi look that it melts her heart just enough for her to sigh and show him through to sit at the kitchen table. She  _ain’t_  gonna offer him coffee, at least, she resolves firmly. She’s not that soft yet.

“The fuck’s your problem,” she asks instead, because why beat around the bush with it.

“I need you to convince me to leave New York,” Sonny says, equally to the point.

“…Huh?” She’s not sure what she was expecting, but not that.

“I gotta leave the barrio,” he says. “Except I don’t wanna, and you never liked the place so I need you to like, transfer the hate. Osmosis it over. Tear it down and tell me I’m a sucker for wantin' to stay in the first place.”

He holds his arms out wide like he’s waiting to fucking photosynthesize or something. Vanessa can’t tell how concerned she should be right now so she just sticks with  _irritated_  for the moment.

“What the hell are you talking about, you gotta leave the barrio? Are you on the run from the feds or somethin'? Got tangled up in the mafia? Did you— ”

“No, Vanessa, Jesus! I just need some good motivation to leave. No reason for it.”

“No reason for you nearly breaking my door down and asking me to make you hate a city you’ve given me more loving monologues about than I can actually count?”

“No reason at all.”

“Sonny, if I were in the mood to dance I’d be out at a club not here wastin’ time listenin' to you try and cha-cha your way around tellin' me whatever’s goin’ on,” Vanessa says. “Dilo, chiquito.”

“I got accepted into Stanford,” Sonny says reluctantly, flopping forwards over the table like he’s melting into it.

“Oh  _damn!_ ” Vanessa says, clapping. “That’s my boy! Killin’ it. But I’m guessin’ from this —“ she indicates at him ”—and the fact that Usnavi ain'tbeen plastering banners from 181st to downtown, it’s got complicated, hm?”

“I don’t wanna go to Stanford,” Sonny admits. “Like, at all. I didn’t like the vibe when we went to visit Nina there.  And I ain’t need the prestige to get where I wanna be, not like I wanna be the fuckin’ president or whatever. I’ve already thought about all that stuff. There’s a ton of places round here that I’d be payin' way less for tuition. And anyhow I don’t wanna leave New York.”

“Sooo…don’t leave, then?” Vanessa suggests.

“Yeah, great idea, except it didn’t go down so good with Mom when I said that. She been doin’ three jobs ever since I can remember to save up for my college fund, so I guess she took it as throwin’ all that back in her face when I said I’d rather stay nearby. Told me if I was so sure I didn’t need her input I could waste my life in the barrio but if I do she ain’t want no part of it.”

Vanessa whistles. “ _Jeez_. That’s a pretty fuckin' brutal answer for you just saying you wanna to be close to home, dude.”

“Well, I miiighta yelled at her before she said that.” Sonny makes a sour face that she’s pretty sure is just to stop himself crying. “But she wouldn’t listen to any of my reasons even though I like made a list and everythin'. And then she said all that time I spend with Usnavi’s obviously puttin’ ideas in my head about never tryna do anything better than the bodega! What was I gonna do, just ignore it? He works his ass off too, and he does just as much for me as she does without bein’ such a goddamn jerk about it just because she’s tryna live her own dreams through me.”

“You didn’t phrase it like that, right?”

“Um…”

Vanessa winces sympathetically. Her and Sonny have the same hair-trigger when it comes to people’s opinions about Usnavi. “Ah. So is that why you came to my place instead of his?”

“Kinda,” Sonny says. “But mostly ‘cause I’m pretty sure he’d agree with her about this. He was  _so_  excited when I told him I was applying for Stanford, Vanessa, I don’t wanna let him down. I don’t wanna let the family down. Ain’t exactly a lot of De la Vegas left to keep up the legacy, you know? And, I mean. It’s difficult to talk to him about parents stuff, sometimes because –yeah. I need someone who’s gonna shoot straight with me, not just keep telling me it’s an ‘amazin' opportunity’ or whatever. S’why I thought of you.”

Vanessa’s fairly certain Sonny could set fire to the store in front of Usnavi and still not let him down: Usnavi’s extremely, vocally proud of Sonny every time he so much as writes an eloquent Facebook status. But then again there was a night not long after Sonny had sent off his college applications when Usnavi had turned over in bed to smile at Vanessa, glowing with delight, and said “I’m just so happy he’s got the chance to do all this stuff I never could. I knew he’d be the one who figured that shit out.”

So this is tough. ‘Cause there’s a million reasons Usnavi didn’t go to college, a million reasons Vanessa didn’t, and all those add up to her initial reaction to Sonny being the same: _man, do you not see how much you have that some of us never got_? 

But she can trace that thread back to the point of origin, deep in that part of her she always had to squash down whenever Nina talked about how much her family expected from her and the pressure of it, how Vanessa would always bite hard on the inside of her mouth to stop from snapping “at least you have a family who gives a damn about you, why are you complaining?” And she thinks about how long it’s taken her to even be able to talk to Usnavi about some of the shit that still has a grip on her, because Sonny’s not wrong about that: coming from that same place there’s always something telling her “look who you’re talking to, at least you have a mom who ain’t dead, you should be more grateful”. 

It’s no help to anyone. It’s all a variation on those words that were never any help to Vanessa, whoever they came from: “she’s your mom and she has your best interests at heart”. “Other people have it worse”. “I’m sure it’ll work out fine in the end”.

What did help: the countless nights growing up that Nina would let Vanessa crash at her place no questions asked, sneaking her in off the fire escape at midnight if she had to. Dani putting her signature on the lease for Vanessa’s apartment. Usnavi, a couple of months into their relationship after a very strained family dinner admitting “I know you still love her, querida, and I’m tryin’ like hell to respect that, but she fucked you over so many times and I don’t think I’m ever gonna forgive her for it”. No platitudes. No assumptions. No pretending that family is always gonna be enough to overcome everything.

And the poor kid obviously feels guilty enough already. For not wanting to go somewhere he knows he won’t enjoy. That’s a shitty choice to be stuck with. 

Besides, it’s kinda flattering that he’d actually come to her in the first place. That she’s more than just  _Usnavi’s girlfriend_  to him.

“Okay,” she says, lounging back in her chair. “Sólo para aclarar, you want me to paint the barrio in such a bad light you’ll feel better about leavin' it behind and going to Stanford like your mom wants you to?”

“Por favor,” Sonny says. “Don’t sugarcoat it, I wanna hear all the gory details about why you wanted out so badly. Was it the train noise? Was it that guy who kept going round peeing on people’s front doors that time? Was it so you didn’t have to keep watching Usnavi gettin' into dance-offs with kids outside the store? Because if anything’s pushed me to the brink of leavin’ town before it’s that.”

“If Usnavi’s dance-offs bothered me that much I wouldn’t have been dating him this long,” Vanessa says. “But no, it wasn’t really any of that. Well, I mean, The Front Door Urinator didn’t  _help_ , but no, I left because I had to.”

She leans forward, fixes Sonny with her most intense stare. He scoots his chair back a couple of inches to escape it. Good. That means he knows she’s serious.

“I left ‘cause I’d spent too many years there staying just because I thought it’d make me a bad daughter to chase my own dreams,” she says. “Because whatever our problems I knew Mom had to give up a lot to raise me, and I thought I owed her for it. And everything about the barrio reminded me that I was wasting my entire life trapped in a shitty apartment cleaning up her empties until I said fuck it and I got out, because I knew I had to be somewhere that made me happy. Even though Mom wanted me to stay. Even though it meant fighting with her.”

“Yo, I see what you’re doin’ right now,” Sonny says, narrowing his eyes at her. “Mierda, and here I thought I could count on you to make this easier for me, V.”

“Please, I know you ain’t as dumb as that,” she says. “You come to me for straight shootin', that’s what you’re gonna get. It ain’t about what your mom or Usnavi think you should do. Or what I think you should do, either. You wanna stay? Stay. You wanna go to Stanford? Fine, do it. But not because you think you owe it to anyone, ‘cause that’s no way to live your life. Remember how well that worked out for Nina in her first year?”

“I know how much they’ve both done for me so I can have this,” he says stubbornly. “They just want what’s best for me.”

“Yeah, but that don’t mean they  _know_  what’s best for you.”

Sonny slouches even further in his chair. He musta realized Vanessa would win this. “I don’t wanna fight with my mom,” he says quietly. “I love her.”

“I love my mom too, Sonny,” Vanessa says. “But you can’t let guilt make all your decisions for you. I stayed way too long because of it and it made me miserable. I don’t want that for you. Do what you gotta do. I got your back on this no matter what, okay? Andhey _,_ I got a pretty comfy couch, if it comes to that.”

“For  _real_?” Sonny says, and now he sounds kinda tearful. “Vanessa, you’d really do that for me? But…what if Usnavi ain’t cool with it? I don’t wanna make trouble for you two.”

“Is Usnavi’s name on the lease? No? Then he can mind his damn business,” Vanessa says. “You got a good head on your shoulders. If you trust your own instinct on this then yo tambien and screw whatever Usnavi’s got to say about it.”

Vanessa’s spent enough time around this family that the second Sonny stands up she instinctively braces herself, which is probably the only way she doesn’t get knocked flat out of her chair when Sonny flings himself into a big dramatic hug. Fuckin’ De la Vegas, never learned to keep a lid on it.

“Alright, I get the picture,” she says, patting the top of his baseball cap while he babbles  _thankyouthankyouthankyou_ like a stuck record. “Your mom probably needs some time to think but we’ll go talk to that cousin of yours tonight. And if he kicks up a stink about anythin’, you just remind him who’s the one ended up stayin' here when he coulda been living it up beach-style in Playa Rincón and that nobody likes a hypocrite.”

“I’m glad he did stay,” Sonny says, letting go of the hug and wiping his eyes as surreptitiously as he can. “Ain’t no girls in DR I’d want dating mi primo, not when he coulda had you.”

Well, shit. Coming from Sonny, that’s quite the compliment.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get so sentimental about it,” Vanessa mutters, and even if she’d doubted Sonny’s sense of judgement before, the fact that he wisely chooses not to comment on how wobbly her voice has suddenly gone definitely woulda brought her back round. “You want coffee before we go?”

 


	11. break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **soundsgaebutok:**  
>  Yesterday was my birthday and I broke my wrist walking backwards into a pothole while completely sober. I dunno why but it seems like a big Usnavi mood]

“Look, you’re gonna have to tell me what happened sooner or later,” Vanessa says, filling out Usnavi’s insurance forms even though his left hand isn't the one in the cast, because he sucks at that kinda thing. “Consider it a repayment for the freakout I had when I got a call from Benny telling me you were in the hospital.”

“I…was savin' someone’s life.  _Vigilante-style_ ,” Usnavi answers. He does a little karate-chop motion with his injured right arm then winces. Vanessa raises her eyebrows. “Well, I  _coulda_  been! We live in New York, it’s superhero central here. Maybe I been Daredevil this whole time and just ain't told you.”  
  
“What, and you’re commutin' to Hell’s Kitchen between bodega shifts?” she says. "Benny, what happened?”

“He…got hit by a car?” Benny says, equally unbelievable. “My car, actually, just straight up ran him over. Unlucky, right?”

“You know if that were actually true I’d have to kill you, Benny,” Vanessa says. 

Benny sighs. “He tripped on a pothole.”

“ _Dude_!” Usnavi says. “We said we wasn’t gonna tell anyone on account of how it makes me sound like a big dork.”

“I already know you’re a big dork, honey,” Vanessa says. “Evidenced by the fact someone’s already drawn a Batman symbol on your cast, how old are you, again?”

“We were hopin' it’d make the vigilante thing more believable.”

“It does not.”

“You wanna sign it too?” Usnavi asks, holding his arm out. “You can be Wonder Woman.”

“…Yeah, alright then.”


	12. propose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Anonymous:**  
>  Maybe, we can have vanessa proposing to girlsnavi?]

“Oh, damn,” Benny says, marvelling at the ring Usnavi’s waving in front of him. Or attempting to marvel, but Usnavi’s very excited so probably most of what Benny’s seeing is a frantic blur with some shiny in it.  “Oh, damn! Congratulations, buddy, that’s so awesome!”  
  
“I know!” Usnavi says. She beams down at her hand. Like, shit, how’s she ever gonna get anything done again? Every time the light catches off the ring out the corner of her eye she pretty much shuts down completely because all of her brainpower gets redirected straight to her smile muscles. Her face is kinda starting to hurt. “I mean, she totally usurped the awesome proposal I’ve been planning for weeks so like, sorry for wasting your time with all of that, I guess —“

“Nah, it’s alright, we’ll just reuse the choreography at the wedding instead.”  
  
“Good plan. Still lost my deposit on all those trained doves I hired,” Usnavi says. “You know how expensive doves are? It’s fucking extortion. But…y’know, thinking about it, I don’t think Vanessa’s really a doves kinda girl anyway.”

“Probably not. So how’d she ask you?”

“Oh, it was perfect,” Usnavi says, already misty-eyed.

***

Usnavi’s got a near-impenetrable  _dance like nobody’s watching_  policy in life but Vanessa’s got a laser-glare that could pierce through lead and there’s only so much of that a girl can take before it kinda kills the groove so Usnavi stops hip-wiggling her way around bodega cleanup and says, “my moves ain’t  _that_  offensive, querida, cool it with the heat vision.”

“What are you talking about?” Vanessa says. “I love your dancing. It’s cute.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”  
  
“Like what?” Vanessa says, immediately transferring her glare from Usnavi to the ceiling. “I’m not looking at you like anything. Not even looking at you. You’re the one doing all the looking. What?! Nothing!”

Usnavi squints at her. “You’re being really weird.”

“Nothing!” Vanessa says again, and storms out. Usnavi tilts her head, trying to work out what just happened.

Five seconds later, Vanessa storms back in.

“Hey,  _you_ ,” she says gruffly, pointing at Usnavi.

“Me?” Usnavi asks, also pointing at herself, just to be sure.

“Yeah, you,” Vanessa says. “We should like. Get married or whatever. Because I really love you and your dumb dancing and your face and just like, you in general. Or whatever. Here, look, I got you this ring, it’s stupid, why aren’t you saying anything, I’m really messing this whole thing up, will you fucking marry me or not?”

***

“That’s…a very romantic story,” Benny says carefully.

“I know,” Usnavi says, wiping her eyes on the corner of her shirt and sniffing. “I love her so goddamn much.”


	13. phase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [from a prompt for "usnavi's brief teenage goth phase", and written with affectionate exasperation towards my own one of these.]

“Ain’t get why they call them the _romantics_ ,” Benny says. “What’s so romantic about mopin’ around bein’ miserable all the time? Sounds like the worst date ever.”

“It’s 'cause they’re in touch with their _emotions_ ,” Nina says, with the starry-souled conviction only attainable by a fourteen-year-old girl with literary crushes on too many long-dead people to count. “They’re sad 'cause they’re deep, and they write all their poetry to express their feelings. Maybe you should try it. Women appreciate that, you know.”

“I always feel a lot of things!” Usnavi chimes in, hopefully. Usnavi is fifteen and currently in possession of what definitely counts as a profoundly romantic soul. Unfortunately, he’s also in possession of ungodly amounts of confusing teenage hormones and a natural, powerful inclination to slide instantly into the role of comic relief sidekick to Benny’s leading male when it comes to girls. This information could be a foot in the door for him. “And I write raps and stuff, sometimes. Do y’all really like that shit?”

“I’ve heard your raps,” Nina says dubiously. “Not quite Keats.”

“Rappin’ about your lunch ain’t the same thing as poetry, dude,” Benny says. “Nothin’ dark and emotional about curly fries. Those things are dope.”

“I don’t only rap about curly fries!” Usnavi says indignantly. “I can be deep!”

They laugh at him, for an offensively long time, and this is how Usnavi’s goth phase begins.

***

It’s a relatively simple conclusion: dress for the job you want, as Benny always tells him, and Usnavi wants to be appreciated as the emotional, complex, multi-layered boy - no, not boy,  _poet,_ his rap is poetry no matter what faces Nina makes at him about it - that he is. So. Only he can’t exactly afford to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe so he just wears the darkest things he owns and then steals his mom’s eyeliner. His shaky dysgraphia hands are definitely no better at applying that than they are at writing on paper, with the added excitement of potentially shoving it straight through his corneas.

“What in the hell is happenin' on your face,” Benny asks, when Usnavi comes into school with it.

“It’s my new look!” Usnavi says, then remembers he’s supposed to be a tortured soul now so he tries it again without the exclamation point. “It’s my new look. What do you think?”

“I think you look like a dumbass.”

Usnavi scowls. “You just don’t  _understand_ it.”

“I  _understand_  that you look like a raccoon. Is that a dog collar? For actual dogs?”

It is. Usnavi doesn’t have any money spare to buy a spiky choker necklace at the minute, but they sell a couple cheap pet collars at the store next to the bags of pet food, and his mom let him take one of those for free, so that’s pretty close, right? He had to do some work with a pair of pliers to get the metal bone-shaped tag off it first.

“It looks uncomfortable,” Benny observes.

It is.

“Well, y’know, existence is pain?” Usnavi tries.

“You’re a dork.”

“You don’t get me,” Usnavi huffs. “Nobody gets me.”

***

His parents are sort of indifferently accepting, which drives him crazy because how is he supposed to properly brood over the isolation borne of forging his own path and breaking societal norms if people are just  _okay with it?_

“You should really wash that off before you go to bed,” his dad remarks at breakfast, indicating Usnavi’s smudged yesterday-eyeliner while they wait for the coffee to brew.

“This is who I am, Pai,” Usnavi says. “It’s an expression of my inner, uh, stuff. Even when I’m asleep the pain will still be there, so the eyeliner has to be too.”

“The pain from the eye infection you’re certainly going to give yourself because of bad hygiene?”

“It’s ruining all the pillowcases,” his mom adds. Finally, they’re getting into their roles so that Usnavi can do this properly.

“Stop tryin' to  _oppress me_ ,” he says. “I’ll wear eyeliner if I want to. I ain’t have to conform to your ideas of  _normal_.”

“Okay, pequeño,” Mamá says amiably. “Do you want me to buy you some makeup next time I’m out shopping so you don’t have to keep stealing mine?”

“GOD, why are you always LIKE THIS,” Usnavi says, slapping the table but only very gently because he doesn’t want to knock all the glasses over, then storming out of the room.

“Do you still want café, little one?” Pai calls after him.

“LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!” Usnavi yells back, followed by a long pause. “Um, but yes please and gracias.”

***

Vanessa comes into the store one day. Vanessa has only recently moved out of an awkward skater-rocker kind of phase in which she wore a lot of striped fingerless gloves and carried around a skateboard that she still has no idea how to ride. If anyone will understand Usnavi’s despair at the disappointing reaction to his new lifestyle, surely it’s her.

“Be honest with me,” Usnavi says, gesturing to himself. “Is this gonna help me with the honeys?”

“God, it’s like Dominican Wednesday Addams got punched in both eyes,” Vanessa says, wrinkling her nose.

“Eh, I can live with that,” Usnavi says. He drums out the  _dun-dun-dun-dun_  of the Addams Family theme song.

Vanessa snaps her fingers twice to finish it off, then points at him. “You want some fingerless gloves? I don’t wear ‘em any more.”

“Hell  _yeah_  I do!” Usnavi says. “Uh, I mean. I don’t  _want_  anythin' on account of how joy is a futile effort against cruel fate. But gloves would be okay.”

***

About two weeks later he wakes up to a beautiful sunny morning, excitedly gets dressed in shorts and a t-shirt as fast as he can, and runs out to get Benny so they can bust open a fire hydrant and appreciate the day. He pets four dogs, tries and cheerfully fails to jump rope with a couple of younger kids, and yells SUMMER FUN!!! in an ear-shatteringly loud way countless times.

“I ain’t complainin’, but what happened to dark and tortured Usnavi?” Benny asks.

“…Aw, goddammit!” Usnavi says. “I totally forgot about that!”

Thus the goth phase ends.


	14. waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Prompt: "What happened when kidsnavi met baby sonny"]

Usnavi steamrollers in through the front door when he gets home from school, almost falling over on his way across the threshold in his excitement, and thunders into the living room.

“I thought you were playing with Benny today?” Mamá says.

Usnavi ignores her. “Is the baby here yet?” he asks. “You said Tuesday. You said Tuesday’s when he’s meant to be here and now it’s Tuesday so the baby’s gotta be here and can I meet him?”

“Well, due dates aren’t exact—“

Usnavi’s whole body droops disappointedly. “So that’s a no.”

“Not yet.”

Usnavi lies down on the floor and says “aaaaaaghh” for a while, then goes out to play with Benny, and hopes his cousin will be here by the time they’re done at the park.

***

“¡Mamá! ¡Mamá! Is the—“

“No, pequeño, the baby isn’t here yet.”

“¡¿Què?! Pero me and Bnny was outside for a whole  _eternity!_ Can’t someone make him hurry up?”

***

“Pai, is—“

“Still no baby,” Pai says.

“But it’s Wednesday!"

“He’ll get here in his own time.”

“Lazy boy,” Usnavi grumbles. “Don’t he know we been waiting for him for _ever_?”

***

Usnavi gets woken up by Pai on Saturday morning, even earlier than usual, because they just got a phone call that Tía Marcela’s finally gone into labor. He’s about ready to run to the hospital without even waiting for breakfast and then he finds out that it could still be hours before the baby’s actually here. It’s agonizing. He doesn’t know how he doesn’t explode. 

It’s not until the evening that Pai answers the phone and everything suddenly bursts into excitement and bustling around getting ready to leave the house. Usnavi’s got his shoes on in an instant and impatiently jumps up and down near the front door while his parents waste time getting things together and using the bathroom and  _talking_ , like they don’t got places to be  _immediately._

“What did you say they called him?” Mamá says, as she checks through her purse that she’s got everything.

“Uh,” Pai says.

“Mateo! You didn’t ask his  _name_?”

“I was caught up in the moment! We’ll find out when we’re there, vamos, vamonos, Usnavi, do you need help with your shoes?”

Pai crouches next to Usnavi to tie his laces for him - all the other kids his age can do it themselves and Usnavi can too but it takes him a lot longer, like a lot of things seem to. For some reason it’s thinking about that which suddenly makes him incredibly nervous.

“¿Listos?” Pai asks as he finishes Usnavi’s laces. Usnavi shakes his head. “¿Qué pasa? This is all you’ve been talking about for a month.”

Usnavi plays with the zipper on his jacket, frowning. “Is he gonna be  _very_  small?”

“Babies usually are.”

“With all tubes and wires and in a box?”

Pai looks confused for a second then says, “oh! Is this because of  _your_  baby pictures? No, pequeño, you were only in the NICU because you were so early. Your tío said everything was absolutely fine, your cousin won’t need any of that.”

Usnavi’s earliest baby pictures are kinda scary, with all the machines and breathing tubes. he’s overheard his mom talking to other moms about it enough to know that there were lots of problems after he was born that meant he couldn’t go home for ages. But Pai says everything’s okay and, Usnavi reasons, his cousin was  _definitely_  not early, so if that’s why all that stuff was there for him, it’s probably okay. And he’s been waiting such a long time, does he really wanna wait more?

“Okay, ¡listo!” he says. “Let’s go!”

***

Tío Miguel meets them out front of the hospital. There’s lots of boring conversation as they all walk, about weight and labor and gross-sounding medical things that Usnavi doesn’t listen to because he’s got more important things to think about, like why is a hospital so big, they should put the baby bit right by the doors so everyone can get there straight away and not have to walk through all this maze of corridors for what feels like  _hours_ til Miguel finally stop outside a room and says “in here.”

Usnavi’s stomach does a too-fast-over-a-speedbump lurch. He tugs on Mamá’s arm as Miguel and Pai go in. She leans down so she can hear him when he quietly asks, “Mamá, what if he don’t like me? I ain’t never been a cousin before, what if I ain’t no good at it?”

“Usnavi, you’ll be the best cousin ever, and he will love you,” Mamá says. “I guarantee it. Come on.”

She holds his hand on the way in but then lets go so he can shuffle cautiously right up to Tía Marcela’s bedside. Tía Marcela shifts so Usnavi can see the bundle she’s in her arms properly.

“He’s  _huge!” Us_ navi says, startled, and everyone laughs.

“You’re telling me,” Tía Marcela says.

“But you always tell me De la Vegas are always small, Pai.”

Pai says, “well, maybe he’s the exception. He’ll grow up to be the only giant De la Vega in history.”

“No! He ain’t allowed, I’m the oldest so I gotta be the tall one,” Usnavi says, turning back to the bed and tiptoeing so he can see better. “He’s so cute!”

“I think you should be the first to hold him,” Tía Marcela says to Usnavi, in a gentle voice.

That feels like a very big responsibility, but when Usnavi looks at his Mamá she nods reassuringly, so he nods too, sits in the chair, listening closer than he’s ever listened to anyone before about how to hold him properly and support his head, repeating it all back so he remembers it right. Everything in this room feels very soft and peaceful and fragile, which ain’t really how Usnavi works. Usnavi’s clumsy and loud and drops things. He definitely don’t wanna do that with any newborn, especially not one so important as this.

Before he’s fully prepared for it, Tío Miguel is carefully transferring the baby from his own arms to Usnavi’s, saying “Sonny, meet your cousin Usnavi.”

Usnavi holds this small, warm weight in his arms, awed speechless for a second, and then with a delicacy he didn’t know he was capable of he touches his cousin’s pudgy palm with one fingertip. Sonny’s little fingers curl around his own and Usnavi’s seized with a sense of absolute familiarity and relief, like when he used to have to wait for Mamá or Pai or Abuela to pick him up from school and would stand scanning the crowds of parents over and over with increasing anxiety till he finally caught sight of them. Like he’s already met Sonny a million times before and has just been waiting around this whole time for him to show up again.

“Sonny,” he says, reverently. “You’re late.”

**Author's Note:**

> [come hang out with me on [tumblr!](https://thisstableground.tumblr.com/)]


End file.
